remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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