my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize