That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
