Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is wine microwaveable?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
