I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
jump out the window naked night went bad
that is very illegal...i love you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
