May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
