We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
