Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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