I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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