we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize