Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
