I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
