i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
