we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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