you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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