So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
