I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think your dad took our porno
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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