Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
