Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
