The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
