he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
