Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
