Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
