can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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