Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
