there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
