how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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