I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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