two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
