I'm pants shitting drunk right now
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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