I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
