Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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