Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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