I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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