Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
