cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
