Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
