Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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