So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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