please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
