Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
