i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
