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when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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