That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.