omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
