oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
