I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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