i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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