i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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