nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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