I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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