I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
