did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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