its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
