I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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