Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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