I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize