I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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