its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
