The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
