8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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