It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
