Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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