I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
