she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
