Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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