Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
