i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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