I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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