I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
