Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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