I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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