Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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