i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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